lessons from my marriage
On my playlist:
I Do, Musiq Soulchild (from Life on Earth album)
“Sometimes I don’t like you. You always got a problem with everything that I do. I don’t always understand everything about you. But I know I just can’t live without you. So yeah, I do.”
My husband and I celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary this week. What a ride the last 9 years of marriage has been! In this time, there have been long seasons of Winter and turbulent seasons of Summer. There have been joyous periods of Spring and peaceful times of Fall. But I’m proud to say that my husband and I have weathered all seasons so far. We have learned so much about ourselves, one another, God’s love, our village, and so many lessons in between. It’s hard to process how much the two of us, and the way we relate to one another, has changed. We have evolved. As I reflect on the last 9 years (and the 14 years of dating that preceded it), I thought it fitting to share some of those lessons.
take a listen to the audio journal.
In no particular order, here are a few lessons I’ve gathered thus far:
If divorce is on the table, divorce is on the table.
Becoming one with my spouse requires me to discover, embrace, and surrender 100% of myself. In order to choose to love my hubby, I MUST choose to first love myself.
Marriage is the most honest mirror I have ever peered into - no reflection is more revealing.
Even on the roughest days, (or let’s be honest, the roughest years), my husband and our union is such a precious and dear gift.
The expectation of reciprocity can tarnish the joy, fulfillment, growth and care of selfless service. Reciprocity should not be a prerequisite to serving one another selflessly.
One need not fully understand or agree with the other in order to empathize, acknowledge, comfort, and even acquiesce.
Time alone does not foster growth. Effort + time + surrender is what culminates to grow a fruitful marriage.
No one can take up space in our marriage unless we create space and then invite them in. However, there is only room for three: me, hubby, and God.
We have the freedom and the responsibility to craft a marriage that works for us. No one has to agree with or approve of what we create.
Growing together means we are going to witness each other’s “ugly” and immature phases. We must grow in grace and remain loving through it all.
Through seasons of incompatibility, choosing love is what carries us. As long as our core beliefs remain aligned, we can make it work.
We should never abandon the connection to one another in the fight to be right, to be heard, or to be seen. That approach results in disconnection and misery.
There truly is no ‘i’ in team. Unless we both win, we both lose.
“I'm your canvas to your paintbrush
Paint me a picture of you
So when you're broken
I can reference, let my affection be glueAnd let me put it all together
It's been good let's make it better
In love forever if it's alright with you
And say I do, I do, I do
This is my vow to you
Say I do”Say I Do, Musiq Soulchild (from MusiqintheMagiq album)
Listen to me give deeper context to these lessons on the Journey of Nikk podcast, episode ‘10. Lessons I’ve Learned In Marriage’.
This list was surprisingly easy for me to write. I sat down to think and the lessons were right at the top of my mind and heart. I intended to write nine lessons for the nine years we have been married but about nineteen lessons flowed out so effortlessly. That makes me smile. I’ve listed many of them here but are you curious about the other lessons? Check out my YouTube video, “What marriage has taught me, so far”.
For my married peeps: How long have you been married? What lessons or key takeaways have you gathered so far? Help the class, Reach out and let me know!
For my single peeps who desire marriage: What are you hoping to learn from marriage?
Check out The Premarital Advantage, an e-course created by the How Married Are You?! Podcast to give you an advantage as you prepare for marriage.
Thanks for being here.
I pray something you have read here inspires, empowers, or encourages you to be brave, be honest, and be well.
Until next time,
- nikk
Note: although AI is a super dope tool, all of these words are written directly from my own mind, unenhanced by technology. :)