\Life Seasons\
the ebb and flow…
On my playlist:
“You say you’re through with love, well I’m tryna see who broke your faith… No need to rush we can take it slow, go at our own pace. Guarding your heart too defensively can turn a future lover into enemies.”
I Do, Kevin Ross
Hello, hello and welcome (back) to my journal! It’s been a minute since I have had the bandwidth to upload here and on the podcast. I wanted to check in with a ‘lil update for my readers. Is it just me or do the seasons of life sometimes carry more ebb than flow? As a young child, it seemed to take forever for a full year to pass. This whole ‘adulting’ thing is different, you hear me? Because before I can settle into the year it’s already time to head into the next. That pace makes it difficult for me to discern my current season AND allows very little time to get organized to the level I feel most comfortable and functional at. This prolonged state of disorganization and (what feels like) chaos has been taking its toll on me. I explore these notions a bit deeper on the Journey of Nikk podcast in the episode titled: ‘18. Hey Ya’ll | an update’ so be sure to give it a listen after you’re done reading here.
take a listen to the digital journal.
Today is the first time in a long time that I woke up with a pep in my step, looking forward to the day ahead. It’s Saturday, so my hubby is on Daddy duty while I take some time to just be Nikk. My plan was to wake and treat myself to breakfast, come home and catch up on my favorite YouTube creators as I FINALLY wash my hair. Styling was optional, the goal was to finally get this hair clean. On the way to get breakfast, I decided to record an update for the podcast and then edit and upload it. I was inspired by the song on my playlist so I wrote a short poem this morning as well. Writing is such a welcome release for me. I can’t even describe how much lighter I already feel. Simultaneously though… Although I’m enjoying this change of plans, I feel a bit rushed to get it all done. I only have this one day to do whatever I want or don’t want to do and it always goes by way too fast! (Sundays are the day I relieve my hubby so he can have time to just be him). As recording, editing, writing this post, etc. etc. was not in the plan, there’s not necessarily enough time to move as slowly as I would like to. But… I’m instructing myself to just live in this moment. Finish the upload(s), hit publish, and then move on to my hair before I head out for some girl time in the early evening. As my dear friend and mentor says, “It is well”. Although I don’t currently feel that sentiment, I know it to be true. So, I will stay the course until my feelings match what is true. If I cross your mind say a little prayer for ya girl, would ya? Thanks. :)
“I see that you’re holding back but that’s not you. You been and out like a drive-thru. You been going back, it’s a cycle. I’m tryna help you end it and show you all my intentions cause ooh, you know I do.” I Do, Kevin Ross
Poetry is such a big part of my life. I have been writing as far back as elementary school and have been published in a few anthologies. At one point in my ‘past life’ before marriage and kids I even recited my poetry on stages around town. I’m surprised I have yet to share that part of myself in this space but, today is the day! Here’s the poem I wrote this morning. You can hear me recite it on episode 18 of The Journey of Nikk podcast. However, my preferred way for my poetry to be consumed is by you reading it yourself. That way, you can hear it in your own voice and the piece can take on its own meaning for you, despite what it may mean in actuality. Enjoy this deeper peek into the core of Nikk.
On the path back to me
Been a minute since I’ve felt like myself
Peace has been evading like a thief running from the scene
I’ve been heavy
Need to lighten up
A little Kevin Ross and something warm in my favorite mug should help
on this slow Saturday morning
Getting back to myself is a process
I haven't had the bandwidth for in a hot minute
I’ve been so deep in it
Too deep to stop and look, to really see
“where‘s the malfunction?” and how to correct it
Let me just take a pair of seconds to reflect and dissect it all
Need some self-care
Some soul care
Balm right there and there
Let me FINALLY do my hair
Been at least a month of Sundays times 3 since the last wash
Judge your momma
I’ve been struggling just to get out of bed
Yes, my body is moving but where the heck is my head?
my mind is simply going through the motions
Mode of operation set to the ‘survival’ program
Like a very sad robot
I’ve been cold
and distant to those who love me the most
I just don’t have it in me to explain
Again
That I’m scared and sad
Again
I need a win
And a vacation
Time to turn the station
From depressing, low-tempo ballads
To something I can dance to
It’s my chance to find me again
Feel free again
This is just step one but already,
I see it on the horizon
Joy
You’re a welcome sight
-Nikk 3.2.24
©2024 This is an original work. It can not be used, distributed, featured, or copied without the express written permission of the author. All rights reserved.
how about you?
What re-centers you when you veer off course due to the seasons of life? What does ‘coming home to yourself’ mean to you?? Tell me about it!
Thank you for being here. I pray something you have read here inspires, empowers, or encourages you to be brave, be honest, and be well.
Until next time,
- nikk
Note: although AI is a super dope tool, all of these words are written directly from my own mind, unenhanced by technology. :)
lessons from my marriage
what nine years has taught so far
On my playlist:
I Do, Musiq Soulchild (from Life on Earth album)
“Sometimes I don’t like you. You always got a problem with everything that I do. I don’t always understand everything about you. But I know I just can’t live without you. So yeah, I do.”
My husband and I celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary this week. What a ride the last 9 years of marriage has been! In this time, there have been long seasons of Winter and turbulent seasons of Summer. There have been joyous periods of Spring and peaceful times of Fall. But I’m proud to say that my husband and I have weathered all seasons so far. We have learned so much about ourselves, one another, God’s love, our village, and so many lessons in between. It’s hard to process how much the two of us, and the way we relate to one another, has changed. We have evolved. As I reflect on the last 9 years (and the 14 years of dating that preceded it), I thought it fitting to share some of those lessons.
take a listen to the audio journal.
In no particular order, here are a few lessons I’ve gathered thus far:
If divorce is on the table, divorce is on the table.
Becoming one with my spouse requires me to discover, embrace, and surrender 100% of myself. In order to choose to love my hubby, I MUST choose to first love myself.
Marriage is the most honest mirror I have ever peered into - no reflection is more revealing.
Even on the roughest days, (or let’s be honest, the roughest years), my husband and our union is such a precious and dear gift.
The expectation of reciprocity can tarnish the joy, fulfillment, growth and care of selfless service. Reciprocity should not be a prerequisite to serving one another selflessly.
One need not fully understand or agree with the other in order to empathize, acknowledge, comfort, and even acquiesce.
Time alone does not foster growth. Effort + time + surrender is what culminates to grow a fruitful marriage.
No one can take up space in our marriage unless we create space and then invite them in. However, there is only room for three: me, hubby, and God.
We have the freedom and the responsibility to craft a marriage that works for us. No one has to agree with or approve of what we create.
Growing together means we are going to witness each other’s “ugly” and immature phases. We must grow in grace and remain loving through it all.
Through seasons of incompatibility, choosing love is what carries us. As long as our core beliefs remain aligned, we can make it work.
We should never abandon the connection to one another in the fight to be right, to be heard, or to be seen. That approach results in disconnection and misery.
There truly is no ‘i’ in team. Unless we both win, we both lose.
“I'm your canvas to your paintbrush
Paint me a picture of you
So when you're broken
I can reference, let my affection be glueAnd let me put it all together
It's been good let's make it better
In love forever if it's alright with you
And say I do, I do, I do
This is my vow to you
Say I do”Say I Do, Musiq Soulchild (from MusiqintheMagiq album)
Listen to me give deeper context to these lessons on the Journey of Nikk podcast, episode ‘10. Lessons I’ve Learned In Marriage’.
This list was surprisingly easy for me to write. I sat down to think and the lessons were right at the top of my mind and heart. I intended to write nine lessons for the nine years we have been married but about nineteen lessons flowed out so effortlessly. That makes me smile. I’ve listed many of them here but are you curious about the other lessons? Check out my YouTube video, “What marriage has taught me, so far”.
For my married peeps: How long have you been married? What lessons or key takeaways have you gathered so far? Help the class, Reach out and let me know!
For my single peeps who desire marriage: What are you hoping to learn from marriage?
Check out The Premarital Advantage, an e-course created by the How Married Are You?! Podcast to give you an advantage as you prepare for marriage.
Thanks for being here.
I pray something you have read here inspires, empowers, or encourages you to be brave, be honest, and be well.
Until next time,
- nikk
Note: although AI is a super dope tool, all of these words are written directly from my own mind, unenhanced by technology. :)
is my husband my best friend?
hubby, lover, AND best friend?
On my playlist:
“I wanna know you in and out, I wanna know what you’re all about. I wanna know what makes you laugh. I wanna know about your past. I wanna know how you move. I wanna know so I can move too, I wanna know. But ya telling me I’m just a friend, tellin’ me I’m just a friend.”
Just A Friend, Mario
As I consider whether or not my hubby is my best friend, I can’t help but think back to our beginnings. The song on my playlist reminds me so much of being in high school, where my husband and I first met. Roaming the halls of that building with our friends and peers is where we got to know one another, built a friendship and, ultimately, formed the foundation for what would become our marriage. Only weeks away from our ninth-year wedding anniversary, I consider the question, “Is my husband my best friend?” In order to answer this question, I have to first ask myself a few more: “What is a best friend? What is a husband? And what do I actually want (as opposed to what I think I should want based on outside opinions). I explore these questions on the podcast in the episode titled: ‘Hubby, Lover, AND Best Friend?’
take a listen to the digital journal.
A few quick Google searches helped me build a glossary, of sorts, as I explored this question. Check out the definitions below:
With these definitions in mind, I am inclined to conclude that I do not consider my husband my best friend, nor do I want him to be. Yes, I want us to have a close bond, share the deepest parts of our lives and have fun together. But I would much prefer the designation of ‘covenant partner’ to ‘best friend’. That distinction provides clarity and a weightiness that I personally appreciate. In my book, there’s nothing that trumps a covenant partner. Our bond is the highest priority in relation to the other relationships in my life. Giving our relationship that distinct designation helps me to keep it in it’s rightful place. Don’t get me wrong, I can understand and appreciate couples who deem one another best friends. I just happen to need and want that distinction. I have learned about myself that exclusivity is a feature I seek in my relationships. The two of us sharing something that no one else does is what makes what is already special even more so. For me, that is true in every relationship, but especially in my marriage. I am fully aware that as I mature as a woman and a wife, as our marriage continues to evolve over the years, the opinions I’ve shared here may change. But for now, covenant partner is where it’s at!
“You can call me anytime you like, doesn’t matter day or night. We can do whatever you want to do it’s up to you.” Just a Friend, Mario
how about you?
Do you consider your spouse your best friend? Why or why not? Is there a different distinction or designation you prefer to use instead? Tell me about it!
Thank you for being here. I pray something you have read here inspires, empowers, or encourages you to be brave, be honest, and be well.
Until next time,
- nikk
Pssst! Want to walk down memory lane with me? Check out this post full of high-school-era pictures of my husband and I.
Note: although AI is a super dope tool, all of these words are written directly from my own mind, unenhanced by technology. :)