\Life Seasons\

Mar 2

On my playlist:

“You say you’re through with love, well I’m tryna see who broke your faith… No need to rush we can take it slow, go at our own pace. Guarding your heart too defensively can turn a future lover into enemies.”

I Do, Kevin Ross

Hello, hello and welcome (back) to my journal! It’s been a minute since I have had the bandwidth to upload here and on the podcast. I wanted to check in with a ‘lil update for my readers. Is it just me or do the seasons of life sometimes carry more ebb than flow? As a young child, it seemed to take forever for a full year to pass. This whole ‘adulting’ thing is different, you hear me? Because before I can settle into the year it’s already time to head into the next. That pace makes it difficult for me to discern my current season AND allows very little time to get organized to the level I feel most comfortable and functional at. This prolonged state of disorganization and (what feels like) chaos has been taking its toll on me. I explore these notions a bit deeper on the Journey of Nikk podcast in the episode titled: ‘18. Hey Ya’ll | an update’ so be sure to give it a listen after you’re done reading here.

take a listen to the digital journal.

Today is the first time in a long time that I woke up with a pep in my step, looking forward to the day ahead. It’s Saturday, so my hubby is on Daddy duty while I take some time to just be Nikk. My plan was to wake and treat myself to breakfast, come home and catch up on my favorite YouTube creators as I FINALLY wash my hair. Styling was optional, the goal was to finally get this hair clean. On the way to get breakfast, I decided to record an update for the podcast and then edit and upload it. I was inspired by the song on my playlist so I wrote a short poem this morning as well. Writing is such a welcome release for me. I can’t even describe how much lighter I already feel. Simultaneously though… Although I’m enjoying this change of plans, I feel a bit rushed to get it all done. I only have this one day to do whatever I want or don’t want to do and it always goes by way too fast! (Sundays are the day I relieve my hubby so he can have time to just be him). As recording, editing, writing this post, etc. etc. was not in the plan, there’s not necessarily enough time to move as slowly as I would like to. But… I’m instructing myself to just live in this moment. Finish the upload(s), hit publish, and then move on to my hair before I head out for some girl time in the early evening. As my dear friend and mentor says, “It is well”. Although I don’t currently feel that sentiment, I know it to be true. So, I will stay the course until my feelings match what is true. If I cross your mind say a little prayer for ya girl, would ya? Thanks. :)

“I see that you’re holding back but that’s not you. You been and out like a drive-thru. You been going back, it’s a cycle. I’m tryna help you end it and show you all my intentions cause ooh, you know I do.” I Do, Kevin Ross

Poetry is such a big part of my life. I have been writing as far back as elementary school and have been published in a few anthologies. At one point in my ‘past life’ before marriage and kids I even recited my poetry on stages around town. I’m surprised I have yet to share that part of myself in this space but, today is the day! Here’s the poem I wrote this morning. You can hear me recite it on episode 18 of The Journey of Nikk podcast. However, my preferred way for my poetry to be consumed is by you reading it yourself. That way, you can hear it in your own voice and the piece can take on its own meaning for you, despite what it may mean in actuality. Enjoy this deeper peek into the core of Nikk.

On the path back to me

Been a minute since I’ve felt like myself

Peace has been evading like a thief running from the scene

I’ve been heavy

Need to lighten up

A little Kevin Ross and something warm in my favorite mug should help

on this slow Saturday morning

Getting back to myself is a process

I haven't had the bandwidth for in a hot minute

I’ve been so deep in it

Too deep to stop and look, to really see

“where‘s the malfunction?” and how to correct it

Let me just take a pair of seconds to reflect and dissect it all

Need some self-care

Some soul care

Balm right there and there

Let me FINALLY do my hair

Been at least a month of Sundays times 3 since the last wash

Judge your momma

I’ve been struggling just to get out of bed

Yes, my body is moving but where the heck is my head?

my mind is simply going through the motions

Mode of operation set to the ‘survival’ program

Like a very sad robot

I’ve been cold

and distant to those who love me the most

I just don’t have it in me to explain

Again

That I’m scared and sad

Again

I need a win

And a vacation

Time to turn the station

From depressing, low-tempo ballads

To something I can dance to

It’s my chance to find me again

Feel free again

This is just step one but already,

I see it on the horizon

Joy

You’re a welcome sight

-Nikk 3.2.24

how about you?

What re-centers you when you veer off course due to the seasons of life? What does ‘coming home to yourself’ mean to you?? Tell me about it!

Thank you for being here. I pray something you have read here inspires, empowers, or encourages you to be brave, be honest, and be well.

Until next time,

- nikk

Note: although AI is a super dope tool, all of these words are written directly from my own mind, unenhanced by technology. :)

marriage

Nikki Harrison

\Life Seasons\

pursuing courage